I don’t pretend to know everything. However, it seems like I have been given the gift of knowledge or insight. This gift comes from raising myself and making a bunch of mistakes and learning from these mistakes. I happen to be that one friend who hears all of their friend’s problems and helps them through their issues.
I happen to be that other friend who likes to help fix shit in his friend’s life, yet has a lot of shit exploding in my own life. So I’ve become known as Olivia Pope (Seasons 1 and 2 when the show was actually about something.) At first, I was known for being able to fix every situation and always being right. I can admit, that when you are always fixing everyone in your life, it leaves you no room to vent your frustrations or have an ear of real support. Someone just helped me realize this. I will keep that conversation a secret. However, I appreciate how blunt the conversation was. The conversation has led me to post the following message. The message that I have written two weeks ago but refuse to post. So here we go.
I may love to be a sound ear. And I love to help out my friends and family here and there, but I am not an adult babysitter. I refuse to sit back and hold someone’s hand when they are constantly in the wrong or making a shit fest out of their life. I will not be bothered.
I have literally raised myself. I have learned from my mistakes without needing someone to hold my hand every step of the way. I know that I cannot continue to hold everyone to the same standard I hold myself. But I know that I have come from absolutely nothing and yet I have been able to become so much more than anyone could possibly imagine.
I refuse to make excuses for myself and so I refuse to accept excuses from anyone else.
Point, blank and a period! (Oh!!! I get it…) ._. I’m mad I just figured that out just now!!!
So earlier this month, the Project LOL/ Hudson Pride Connections Center lost a family member. When I met Arthur, he was a semi-shy person who loves to be silly and tell jokes. Unfortunately, Arthur and I weren’t always on good terms. It didn’t stop us from saying hi and being courteous. I knew his story. His story was like so many of ours. Gay kid with potential. The family didn’t know how to love him.. Arthur’s light was unmistakable… Sometimes darkness can dim light faster than we could ever imagine… My heart and my thoughts go out to the people who truly loves him and misses him.
With the death of Arthur, I decided to bury the death of a friendship. After understanding that I am not my brother’s keeper. I decided to bury a friendship of someone who I had hoped would make a positive turn I his life. However, instead of being honest with himself, he used excuses.
Instead of moving from the place he once was, he surrounded himself with his own demons. He once said that he didn’t want to be around people who didn’t accept him… And that’s his right, and so I have removed myself. The decision was a hard one to make.. But it became easier after blatant disrespect and disregard of my personal space and requests.
The friendship is dead to me and so is the person I used to know.