Hey!” He yelled smiling! I smiled back. He ran into my arms. I hugged him and picked him up.. Swung him around and kissed him on the cheek. The happiness of seeing someone you genuinely care for and wanting that moment to last forever happened. But there is always a guilt there.
The awkward silence of trying not to say what you both may want to say. Maybe the need for closure has always been too much to ask for but come on… I’m a dreamer.
It’s been four long years now. I’ve moved on. I’ve gone to therapy. I’ve figured out my life without him and yet when I see him…I still wonder how he feels… I wonder if he thinks that I could have been the one. I wonder if he wonders if the circumstances were different… And then I wonder if I’m playing myself all over again.
We talk. I hate him.
“Hate and Love is the same emotion!” Dr. Gajera said. “Both very strong emotions at that.” He said.
I looked over at Dr. G. His eyes always seems to pierce through my soul.
“Okay! I love him.. Still!” I said wanted to kill myself for letting it slip. “Why? The relationship practically ruined me.”
“That’s love!” Dr. G said.
But there we were. Two men.. Once in love. His eyes lit my soul on fire and he knew it. I think that’s the issue. He knew he drove me crazy. He knew that his touch controlled my breathing and because of that. He owned me.
Later, I sent him a text message saying it was great to see him. He replied, “good seeing you!”
Four-year and I haven’t let him go!