DEAL BREAKERS IN DATING. (I had a bad experience recently and read all about it) EXTRA SHADE..

Dear Zofties,

Gay Dating

I am always telling my heterosexual friends that Gayting (Gay Dating) Is so much more difficult than regular dating. Gay men are very judgmental when it comes to choosing a partner. I have no problem with people having standards, but some standards are a little crazy. For example, gay apps like Grindr has made it acceptable to discriminate a sex partner by, weight, height, dick size, color and even mannerisms. Gone are the days where we looked for love based on an actual connection. Gone are the days where we picked a partner because they treated us as humans. Nope, now we are looking for trophies with dicks. I cannot tell you how many times I have run into men who asks the same questions online.

“Are you top or bottom?”

“Are you Fem or Masc?”

“How big is your Dick?”

“You host?”

It is one thing to be picky, but being picky and not having the ability to finance your travel or to host, is where I draw the line. You cannot expect to find the perfect man when you have nothing to offer. My issue isn’t with the men Masculine and Feminine men who are looking to hook up with Masculine men only. My issue is not with the guys who are against connecting with someone who is a little thick. My issues are with the men who are asking for too much and are not coming to the table with much.

This was the main reason why I started dating older men who were outside of my race. Some older men seem to know what they want and they are not trying to make you jump through hoops. Older men aren’t fixated on a specific, stereotypical “type.” Older men aren’t stuck on gender and sex roles. I do not have to identify as a “bottom” or “top” I have room to experiment in the bedroom.

I am not the normal gay male, I don’t like to identify as male most of the time. I like to stay gender neutral most of the time. So it is really important to find a mate who understands this. I may not be the most masculine guy, but I am not the most feminine guy either. I hate when I am asked if I am a top or bottom, because the truth is that my sexual position and preference changes depending on the partner and the night. I do not prefer on position over the other because I love them both… I must admit, I am a lazy bottom at times. I am the type who will reschedule a date just because I do not feel like taking the day to prep for sex. Honest to God.

I do not have a specific type when it comes to men. I tend to be attracted to both Fem and Masc men of all colors, shapes and sizes. I don’t like to feel limited when looking for a connection with men. Their sexual position means absolutely nothing to me. If I end up dating a Strict bottom, he needs to know how to do amazing things with his tongue.. Same with strict tops. My current situation is with an extreme verse. AWESOME…. Someone once said that I had no real sense of self because I didn’t have a type… But that person was just saying that because I wasn’t into them…

But now that I have gotten all of this out the way,Let’s get to my deal breakers…


There are some deal breakers. Here we go!!!! Before I start, I am using a bad experience as an example… Though he recently started seeing someone

I Need My Space: After being single for a while, I have learned to enjoy being alone and not having someone around me all the time. As I started dating around, I’ve realized that some people aren’t really as accepting of this. For example, I was sort of seeing someone who became really clingy and weird. It would bug the shit out of me when I would receive a phone call from this guy and he would be on the phone whining about wanting to see me. When I say that it was whining, it was always a full blown whine… Usually this is cute; but if you and I were just together the day before, you should not be calling me whining that you miss me. But then he started inviting himself over to my place, which is a huge NO for me. Once again, I need my space. I do not have to be with you everyday. Actually, I can’t be with you everyday. I have a job and I go to school. I need time to myself. I can be affectionate, but there is a limit to being affectionate. When it becomes suffocation, I am pretty much done with the situation. Do not look for a call after I hint that you should leave my apartment late at night. This means that you have over-stayed your welcome in my house and in my life… Blocked and deleted.

When I say I am not looking for sex… Believe me…  I am the kind of guy who likes to get to know a person before I go in for the sex. Yeah, weird right? I am gay and I happen to enjoy a conversation first. It’s strange, but intelligence and personality turns me on. When I feel that there is chemistry between me and someone else, that chemistry is what hooks me. I do not like it when sex is forced on me because I actually feel like I then have to have sex with the person to show that I am interested. I hate being in weird situations like that. But when I say that I don’t want to have sex, believe me. I am still and attractive guy and I can have sex with anyone. If sex happens and I inform you that I feel bad that it happened, because I like to take things slow.. It is not okay to say, “Yeah, right! We are both gay and this is the game we play.” That seriously tells me that you’re an asshole. Blocked and deleted.

Pointless Stories about pointless shit, pisses me off.. This doesn’t apply to everyone, just one person I had a bad experience with.  If I am telling you that I want to stay in for the day and that I will see you tomorrow. It is not okay to come around anyway and start to tell me stories about guys you were dating, who were dating other people. I had an experience with someone who told me stories about other men they’ve dated who were in relationships. It seems like every time this person wanted to hang out, the guy that they were seeing would make up stories to blow them off. Then I would get a look and a speech like, “If you were seeing someone, I wouldn’t care. I’m okay with it.” The whole entire time I am thinking, “This story is going nowhere and it is a waste of my time.” Honestly, I could have stopped the conversation right there and blocked him, but I didn’t.. There was one more accident that made it clear that I was done with this guy.  Which leads me to my next deal breaker.

NO BEDROOM PICTURES… I do not have a problem with posting pictures of myself and my friends online, as long as it is not a picture of me in the bedroom. I am pretty private when I am in a relationship. My friends and family usually do not know that I am seeing anyone until three to six months after I have already started seeing someone. That is usually because I let it slip that I was seeing someone, or because I was finally ready to say something about it.  But I think that some things should stay between me and the person I am seeing without the scrutiny of friends and social media.  But if we are not dating, I honestly do not like to put up a front that I am dating you.

I also hate it when people take pictures of me without my knowledge.  This has happened on a few occasions with this guy and it made me a little mad. The last straw was one night when the guy hit each and every deal breaker in one night. YES…….ALL IN ONE FUCKING NIGHT!’

First, he called me whining that he wanted to see me. After a few hours of calling, texting and whining. I agreed. He comes over and drinks wine.. I refused to drink because I was in the gym that week training. Then as the rainy night started to get a little awesome and heavenly, he got tipsy… Called a friend and started an argument with them. Which meant, he was now mad and ready to drink some more after the drama he had allowed to happen. So I decided to be nice and cuddle with him. Then, he decided to whisper that he was horny. I ignored it. I didn’t care. There was a discussion about how I did not want to have sex with him and the last time we had sex, I felt bad… His response is the response in  When I say I am not looking for sex… Believe me…  

When I gave in, it took so much energy to attempt an erection. If I ever have a problem getting an erection, either I am not in the mood or not into the person I am with. In this situation, it was both. I had to imagine that I was with someone else to get through it. I had gotten so annoyed with the sex while having sex, that I pretty much begged him to nut while he was riding my dick. Then I made him get off of me. Silently, I looked through my phone messages trying to figure out why my brother was calling me. Then all of a sudden a flashing light came out of nowhere in a dark room. This asshole took a picture of he and I in bed… In my bed. With no clothes on… Furious was not the word. When I told him to delete the picture, he whined that I was making a big deal out of nothing and faked as if he deleted the picture. I know how Androids work, I’ve had them. Just because you delete a picture from you phone, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t sync to your online account, or your Dropbox. When he refused to participate with deleting the picture of us, it was time for him to leave my place. He had the nerve to tell me that his friend said that I was cute, while he was getting his stuff. That sent me over the edge. He sent the picture to someone. Great. Get out… Blocked and deleted.

Facebook… If someone leaves your life, evaluate the situation before you pin the loss on them. At the end of the day, I still have a job and a messy apartment that I clean when I feel like it. I still have a cute kitten.I still call my family and friends. Everything that is important to me, I still have. I haven’t lost anything. But here is another deal breaker, Facebook is NOT real life. I do not want to see your feelings or messages to me written across your Facebook wall. I’m not going to stalk your Facebook everyday looking for some mention of me. I’m not going through your pictures either. I am not that person.  Please do not stalk my Facebook.

Arguments…. Part of the reason why my relationships end so abruptly, is because I do not like to argue. I have a soft voice and I do not like to raise my voice. It is too much energy and I am against using too much energy on stupid shit. If you would like to have a discussion about an issue, that is fine. let is talk as adults and listen to each other. But if you want to get upset and yell… That is not for me. I will let you fight with yourself and walk away. I was seeing this crazy guy from the Bronx.. Yes he was Puerto Rican. This guy loved to argue. Everyday, he would find something to argue about. Week 2, after he called yelling about me posting a picture of me and my ex on my Instagram, I blocked and deleted him. Then he found me on other sites and apps. This crazy dude started calling me from other numbers just to argue with me. I seriously had to block every unknown incoming call for two weeks.

DRUGS ARE NOT COOL…. POPPERS ARE FOR LOSERS!!! I am scared to death of drugs. Coke, Heroin, weed, and whatever else. I have tried weed before. I am not an angel, but I have never had a habit. I have never smoked it daily or weekly. I have only done it socially and I can count on one hand the social events. The Superbowl (Madonna), With Russell, a guy named Chino and his friends. A guy in my building. Yup!!!!! I am not a smoker. I do not like drugs. I have dated three guys who loved weed. I dated this one dude who pretty much spent his last dollars on his habit. No food in the house, no cable, but he’d smoke and drink all the time. That is a huge turn off.

PNP lovers (google it) are weird. There is nothing sexy about drugs…. Nothing sexy about it at all. If a sexy guy is doing drugs before, during and after sex. It is hard to stay focused and into the action. Guys who smoke Tina and Coke during sex are just disgusting. Sexy men who use drugs, end up becoming old, lonely, ugly men who use drugs.

Poppers are so disgusting. The smell of  poppers are disgusting. It’s a complete turn off for me.  Poppers are really aroma therapy oils that men inhale to feel some weird head rush. Supposedly, they help loosen anal walls and intensify an orgasm. But, they do so much more damage to your insides. Men who have abused the use of poppers are prone to respiratory issues and sexual side effects. I know a gay “doctor” in Bayonne whose penis doesn’t work at all anymore…. Side Bar.. most of the North Jersey Adam4Adam/ Grindr using community knows this “doctor”… He started out as a top.. Now he’s a bottom… I met this guy when I was 16… I’m 29 now. He’s a nurse…by the way!!!

To Conclude… Dating doesn’t have to be hard. I am usually an easy going person. I am easy to get along with. I am easy to please. Dating is supposed to be fun. Dating and getting to know someone should not be rushed. There is no fun in meeting someone and within a couple of days, you guys are in a full-fledged relationship. That is quite disturbing. It took three months of non-exclusive dating for me to realize that I wanted to be with Lionel (current). Lionel had some faults that I hated. The biggest fault was his lack of communication. I had to understand that he is as much as a recluse as I am so I had to forgive him for his horrible communications skills. He is doing a lot better with communicating now. But I can admit, I am extremely vague in instruction. I often leave it up to people to figure me out on their own. Figuring me out can be an exhausting task. But, it is easier when we move slow and get to know each other…. Oh… say no to drugs…. and boys who cry like girls…


2 Comments Add yours

  1. James Q. says:

    Interesting post you seem well versed in the dating scene

    Liked by 1 person

    1. James, thanks for reading and I am happy you were able to enjoy it. I would like to say that I have some experience in dating. For the most part, it is all the same for most gay men..


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s