My advice to my sister was “Never throw the things you’ve done for people in their faces. If you’ve done these things genuinely out of the kindness of your heart, you’d never have to wait for anything in return.” I still feel that way. I’ve never been the person to defend myself against rumors, or negative things anyone has had to say about me. Recently, I felt that I had to because I had let something go on for way too long.
A week ago, I replied to a post about Stacey Dash and merely asked a question about whether or not Dash was an idiot for her views or the way she voiced them? Simple question. I do not believe it is okay to call anyone out of their name just because they are different or have different views than the majority. Asking that question led to me being called a few names, and I tried to keep my cool as I was being attacked. And then, I lost my cool, and that led to more attacks… But the attack that pissed me off was from someone I had never met but was in some music department at NJCU. Forget about Jessica Nelson, or Liam closet case ass disrespectful comments. Forget that One day, Samille is inviting me to visit her and her child, and deleting me and talking about the next day. None of that meant anything to me because they meant nothing to me… They were only “associates by association.”
Someone who I did not know, echo the same things about me that I had heard so many times on campus, things that were not true… That pissed me off.
Here’s the thing. I was in a relationship that I still regret to this day and that I’ve refused to talk about for a long time. This incompetent, angry bastard tried so hard to ruin my life when all I had ever tried to do was save his.
I was with someone who beat my ass all the time. When I say, all the time, it was all the time. I was so embarrassed about it, and I barely spoke about it. I’m a guy, and people were still ignorant of same-sex domestic violence. But people knew the way he treated me was not fair. We had a roommate, and I will not throw his name in this because I genuinely care for him. I’m a little mad that this roommate has never defended me against the rumors, but it’s cool. No hard feelings.
But to hear on campus that I was the crazy one, that I attempted suicide in my dorm and that I was the abusive one, made me so mad and it hurt like hell.
I can recount ever fight we’ve had. The first being after a production, I had performed. He and I went to some bar with my friend Julia Lomba… I did karaoke, and he got upset because he said that being around white people triggered an event where one of his friends were killed in Kentucky… I later found out that never happened. He was so enraged that he closed-fist punched me to the ground and started cussing at me.
The second time, being the day he attempted suicide. He was pissed that I was going to work, and I was sick… His roommate told me that one day I would have to choose my health over money… Later, my ex hit me. I left his dorm. An hour later he called saying that he swallowed pills and to stay on the phone with him. I rushed to NJCU where he was under his bed in the fetal position while his roommate and friend were standing guard… After that, we all needed counseling.
Should I keep going? Okay… Another time, He punched the shit out of me; we were watching the Anne Hathaway movie “Love and Other Drugs” Where I was joking with him, and he snuck me… Beat me down to the ground and dragged me out the room by pulling my hair. This incident was the first time I told my mom about the abuse in which she wanted me to leave school and come to Trenton. Never saw the end of that movie. I refuse to watch it.
He’s choked me in public and threatened to kill me. One night I ran up to an associates dorm and asked her if she could hide me because he threatened to kill me. She admitted to me that she knew that my ex-boyfriend was abusive. I had been so fucking afraid of him and his tendency to just snap at the drop of a pen. He once beat me up for accidentally knocking over something on his dresser.
It wasn’t until I started dating him that I heard horrible things about him. Things like, how he couldn’t keep a roommate because they always filed a complaint against him. How he could never pass his classes because he was pretty lazy. But somehow everything became Justice Fault, and I am finally tired of it.
He never took care of me. I always took care of myself. I never needed him because he never knew how to be there for anyone but himself. All the money that he claimed I stole from him… Please?? What money? He never had a job. The groceries in that dorm room, I bought… I was the only one in our crew who had a real job. His roommate came to Pathmark with us all the time and watched me slide my VISA to pay for groceries… EVERY TIME.
My friends and family know my character. I never have to prove myself to my friends, and I will not prove myself to anyone who does not serve any purpose in my life… Yes, I have seen this guy become friends with people whom I used to call friends. People who I used to hang with and take advantage or me. But I am not bothered by it because none of those people serve any purpose in my life either.
I have grown very distant from the mutual friends we had at NJCU. But that’s because I don’t believe its right to call someone your friend and not defend them when someone is talking trash about them. I understand loyalty… But when Christina is wrong, I let her know. When JoNathan is wrong, I let him know. When David is wrong, I yell at him and let his ass know that he is wrong. Regardless if I’ve known the person they’ve offended for months, minutes or have never met them at all. I cannot be friends with people who were around the bullshit and can’t defend things they had witnessed. Everyone around me knew that I took care of that bastard. Everyone knew about the way he treated me and yet no one defended me. I’m fake and flakey if I don’t want to come to a recital or play to support you. I’m bullshitting if I don’t show up at an event you invite me to every week. But I’m your brother??? Miss me with all of the bullshit.
So yes, I am finally defending myself because I have been silent after all of these years. Yes, I stayed throughout everything. That’s my fault. But I will not take on someone else’s shit. I ended up transferring out of NJCU to get away from those people. So save your invites. Save your love.. I don’t care

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