The transitions

Hey Zofties,

I’m in the middle of transitioning from being in a relationship to being single again. The weirdest thing about being in this transition is the way it feels.. It hurts because I seriously love and care about Russell..
I still feel like I owe him my life… But indeed I feel the same way about Christina as well… Regardless of what’s going on with me and the people I love, I still consider them family…

For example, my cousin Amirah and i stopped talking in 2011 because I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her that he boyfriends’ (Isaiah) girlfriend (Precious) was going around telling people how Precious and Isaiah fuck when Amirah is at work… I thought that I would be protecting my cousin by telling her, but what ended up happening was I ended up losing my cousin and most of my family for being a troublemaker. Amirah’s boyfriend and his girlfriend sent me threatening letters and shit… None of it hurt me… But After that happened, I kinda kept silent on anything I knew about people… Actually, I now push the information I have about people out of my mind and choose to forget…

Years later, Amirah reached out to me to acknowledge that I had been right and to sorta apologize… I never needed an apology or her to acknowledge that I was right… I just wanted to know if she was doing okay after the break up… I love to skip the mushy apologies and forgiveness scenes because I know that humans are humans. We bleed the same, we shit the same… We are flawed and make mistakes…

With Russell, we both made mistakes but I knew it wasn’t going to work. The only reason why I stayed in this relationship for so long was really because I love him.. I care about him and I still feel like I owe him a lot… Im always reminded that I don’t owe him my life.. And this is true.. But there’s this thing called loyalty.. And I’m pretty loyal.. Or at least I try to be loyal!
But once someone is in my life, they are there until they find their way out… I forgive without having to have a big to-do about it. Most of the times what people fail to notice, when you make someone say they are sorry, they are apologizing for being flawed. That’s something that humans have absolutely no control over.. We know right from wrong, but in certain situations we suck at determining the best between the two.. Sometimes, ones judgement is different from others they know……

^*****Writers note…. This entry was originally to be posted three days ago…. It’s weird how things happen… But its official… It’s over…

It’s a few days away from my move out date. Russell has found a place already…. I had no idea he was looking without me…. I haven’t found a place! And for some reason, I feel like what happened with my family and me has happened all over again… This time it feels….. It’s gut wrenching…


One Comment Add yours

  1. Darell Grant says:

    As far as Mirah goes, you know damn well to stay out of grown folks business! And take it from me, take it from yourself cause i can see u saying this to me…Russell did indeed help you, and i know u are grateful for it, but dahling u owe no one your life! Thank him, allow yourself to feel how u feel, drink some wine and move on!


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