HORIZON BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD AND OVERDOSING

I was 22 years old, I was the youngest black guy in my department and I had a lot of responsibility. This would normally scare some people and it scared the shit out of me when I think about it. I was still a baby in a lot of ways. I was not ready to hold a job in corporate America. I had a lot of growing up and maturing to do and I’m sure that a lot of my co-workers would be able to agree with me. I was still very child-like.
Among other issues, I was in a very weird relationship with Chris. Chris and I had been together for a while and his best friend had become my roommate. The ups and downs of that relationship started to get to me. Here’s why, Chris was Jamaican and Belizean and his family really wasn’t that accepting of he being gay. Chris struggled with his family life and dealing with his sexuality. This was a huge strain on our relationship and he started to drink heavy. Actually, most of the times Chris and I would make love, he’d be so drunk out of his mind that I always thought that he would be numb. But he still performed above average.
One time, we were going to have sex and before we did, he made sure there was liquor in place so that he could get drunk. This played with my insecurities. I thought that it was my fault that he would drink before we had sex. I started to believe that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.
The sex was always mind-blowing, so much that even after we broke up, we still had sex for a bit. However, in the relationship Chris had become violent with outrageous temper tantrums.
It was around the time that I started drinking heavy. I actually kept a bottle of vodka by my bed to put me to sleep. I also kept the bottle by the bed for when Chris would come to visit, because I knew that he needed the vodka to get in the mood.
I had come down with the Flu and I was having issues digesting my food. My food started to take 24 hours to digest; I didn’t realize this was the issue until I accidentally overdosed. I had been taking my meds all day and not having any relief of with my symptoms. However, this day in particular I was sitting at work struggling to feel better, when I finally felt my food starting to digest… And then, the meds hit me… Earlier that day, I had taken a Benadryl, a Tylenol Cold & Flu a few hours after the Benadryl with some tea.
Needless to say, I stopped being able to function and my body started to get really hot. My heart started racing and my stomach started to cramp. The meds were trying to get out of my system. I left work early that day and rushed home. The train ride from Newark, New Jersey and the bus ride to the house almost killed me. I started vomiting as I was walking up the block to my apartment. I had already defecated in my clothes while getting off of the bus and it was all liquid, so I had a hard time walking after that. When I finally made it to the bathroom, I pretty much pooped and vomited all over the bathroom. Oh yeah, I missed the toilet.
I called Chris to let him know that I was sick and he said that he would leave work to make sure that I was okay. By the time he had gotten to the house, I was passed out in my own vomit on the bed with feces all over me. In that moment, I started to realize that Chris loved me. When I started to come back to some sort of consciousness, I saw how frightened he and his friend Kimberly were. I remember that body was hot, but I had chills. Chris said that my skin had broken out in blotches of hives. I remember Chris undressing me and putting me in the shower to wash the vomit and feces on me. Then he put me in bed and waited for my fever to go down a little.
When we finally made it to the hospital, the doctor told me that I had an accidental overdose and that I was lucky that the drugs worked their way out of my system. When I had gotten home the next day, Chris told me how scared he was when he had seen me practically dead in my own vomit. He was afraid that I was going to die and I was a little afraid that I was going to die as well.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t my last time overdosing….

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8 Comments Add yours

  1. Darell Grant says:

    I didnt know any of this! Wow love.
    May i ask, what happened to chris? He’s totes handsome!

    Like

      1. No… Indontnknow what happened to him. We lost touch about abyear ago

        Like

      2. Darell Grant says:

        …my love, oh my love, wonder sometimes were u just a dream…
        I having a moment, reading your writings makes me want to be in love

        Like

      3. The weirdest thing is, when i write i relive those moments and i fall in love again until i close my laptop…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Im just saying. Lol

        Like

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