I have been doing well with withdrawing from Zoloft… I’m actually very happy I have, the weight gain has been a little too much and uncomfortable.
Today, I didn’t want to write about depression… I wanted to write about my scare with HIV… Now, I’ve had a few of them, but none of them compares to the last scare I had… I was seeing this guy… We will call him Jason… Jason and I had known each other for some time and every time he and I were together, we had the best sex ever.. Regardless of who topped who. The sex was amazing.. Actually… The best I had ever had. Our sessions were long and intense.. We would take turns fucking each other.
So after I finished fucking him… He’d fuck me… And after he’d finished fucking me… He’d nut and I’d fuck him again… Sometimes it would last for hours before we would finally turn each other out and fall asleep…
But then, something changed our sex. After being on a break from each other for a year…. Jason was told he was HIV positive… It hurt me more than anything.. It seemed that all of my friends were slowly getting this disease…. However, it didn’t stop me from loving Jason. Jason and I still cared about each other and thank god for condoms…
One night while we were having sex… Jason was fucking me so hard (the way I like it) it felt like heaven feeling him on top of me moaning loudly in my ear… I needed his dick more than anything at that time. Then finally, he let out a loud sigh and pulled me closer…. He had finished… But this time when he finished, I felt his semen shoot up inside of me… Instantly, I said… “Oh my god” the condom broke………
Now usually, I can feel a condom break inside of me….(I’m that tight) actually when it breaks inside of me, it kinda pinches me… But this time, I felt nothing as he was fucking my brains out and thrusting me hard as if he was trying to earn a check… (I’m having a moment)
When he pulled out, I realized that the condom had indeed broke. I freaked out… Like freaked out… Like the freak up was real..Jason freaked out…
I took a shower, and got dressed. I called my friend Tyree and she told me to relax…. (After she yelled at me)
The next day, I took the train to Callen Lorde in New York City… Why? Here’s the irony.
I knew from my experience as a Teen Mentor at a LGBT center that there was a such thing as PEP…. What is PEP? Do some research….. You will find the it saves a lot of lives.
They told me that they couldn’t help me…it was after office hours…. But then, a guy who actually became my social worker was leaving for the day and said. “Are you being seen?” I told him. That I wasn’t and that I was told it was too late.
I’m gonna call this guy Angel… Angel was talk and dark.. He had long Locs and a bright smile.. If I had seen him out of that place I might had flirted with him…. But I felt dirty. At that time… Isn’t it weird?
I spent so much time as a health educator to teens, knowing that HIV wasn’t a horrible disease… Yet, the thought that I could have it, made me feel dirty… That was weird, but society made me feel that way.
I kept thinking.. “Whose going to love me now?” “Whose going to want me?”
Yet I never once thought, “I’m going to be okay!”
Angel bought me in his office, he tested me.. I was negative. Duh, but 24-48 hours you can see signs of the virus multiplying in your blood stream… Actually, you can tell after 28 whether or not you are positive after taking an HIV test… Yea… Crazy!!!!
He wrote me a prescription and sent me to the Pharmacy downstairs…
The prescription was for Insentress and my miracle drug… Truvada!!!! (Do your research)
For a month, I was to take these drugs to fight the virus from attacking me.. When I say that my body went through it… Lord Jesus. It went through it… I was exhausted, I had really horrible nausea. I couldn’t function. And I had finally felt like I had to tell someone… So I told my friend Christina… I couldn’t keep the secret to myself. Christina and Tyree knew…
On my check up after a month, I was told that I was negative… I continued my treatment of the drugs for five more months… My choice…. To make sure I was clean… And years later…. I’m clean.. It was a real scary time.. I wrote this because a lot of people don’t know what options are available to them. And I am a witness that there are some options available….
Sorry if you guys thought I was confessing to being HIV pos…. Not my story… But it could have been!