Justice Diaries. Part 3 ‘Lowered Expectations”


Saturday night at LUST was off the chain! Lust was downtown Manhattan! The Place had four floors, and the lowest level, or “Guilty Pleasure” was a place where you would find club goers celebrating in different ways! I stood clear of that floor! Paris, Koala, Justin and I were sitting in V.I.P hosting up different conversations and checking out the scene from the third floor! I loved it there! Paris and the others were higher than any kite I ever tried to run through Liberty State Park! And I was just buzzed on Grey Goose and Coke.
Koala and Justin headed towards the dance floor as I chatted it up with Paris!

“Oh, congrats on the MTV show, Koala let me in on it! I hope you guys have fun!”I said! He gave me a smile. Fake, but it was a smile.
“Oh Justice!” He said in a drunken like stupors. “I knew you wouldn’t be mad! I asked Koala because he needed some exposure, and I really think he brings something special! Besides two Divas can’t share a show!” He said giving me the wink. In other words. With the less attractive diva (Koala) he has a chance to shine. Whereas I, probably would have stolen his thunder with my looks, quick wit, and dashing personality!!! Got it! I AGREED WITH HIM! Paris could carry the show on his own, but sometimes you need a dumb sidekick….
“Well, I hope you guys do well, I mean it’s crazy what networks are doing to get a show on the air now and days!” I said hinting at the supply and demand theory! “As soon as you start shooting, they give you a budget, you don’t make that much until your ratings move up! If the show sucks, it gets pulled, and you only get what you earned. Unless you are bought
out the contract. But those rules don’t apply with cancellations!” I said as if to sound like I was worried!
“I’m glad we won’t be cancelled!” He said with a cat in his eyes!
“Me too!” I said! “So what’s the premise of the show?” I asked!
“Basically, this!” He shrugged! “Darling’ the glamour, and life of me and
my best friend!” He said! “You will most likely be in it!”
He bounced!

“Aww! Honey!” I said acting relieved! “I can’t possible do it!” I said!
“Of course you can!” He said! “You are a part of this group, you will have to!”
“Yeah, but I’m under contract with ABC now, and I doubt they are going to sign
off on me appearing on the show! I’m a brand now!” I smiled! And the
surprised look of horror took over his face! MTV was owned by Viacom!
SEEN BY MORE PEOPLE! I know, the news were so huge I had to write it that

“Congrats!” He hissed haterade! “When did you sign a deal with ABC?”
“This morning! That was the interview I had today!”
“Reality?” He asked!
“That too!” I said!
“TOO?” The shocked tone in Paris’ voice felt great to me… It almost sound like jealousy.
“Well, they offered me a reality show, and I took it because it would be nice
to be filmed while I’m recording my album, and television show!” I said smiling, and spraying “I’m better than you are “in the gay Lustful air!
“Like, Oh My Cher!” He said! “That’s great news! I’m so proud of you!”
I knew it was fake so I laughed it up!

So eventually, I had to sell my soul and go and see Christ Donaldson. I knew he hated me, but I wanted to turn that into a little love! I met him for lunch at CHOW’s in the Village! I was  a little surprised that He was as cute as he was! I expected a white slightly bald man. Small and skinny! But, instead he was A tall devastatingly handsome white man head full of brown hair. Dimples and a smile to die for! His body was of a dancers. And his voice, something of Justin Timberlake meets Brian McKnight! How dare he be so cute! It’s going to be so hard to hate him.
We sat at a table near the bar. He ordered a drink for me. “You have to try this!” He insisted!
“Okay!” The waiter went away and out my mouth came, “So why do you hate me so much?” He laughed for a moment! Word vomit, I couldn’t help it… It slipped. Okay, it didn’t just slip, but dammit I needed to know.
“Where did that come from?” He asked. And I started saying,
“The Problem with Justice isn’t that he likes to party, But the fact that he’s smart enough to be more!” I quoted from his article about me a month or so prior!
“Well, it’s not that I don’t like you. I don’t know you! I know what people say about you!” He said! “And don’t get me wrong! You’re a diva!” He laughed… “And obviously, very blunt.”
“Meaning, what?” I asked him.
“It just means that you are viewed as someone who is placed on a high pedestal, and is just placed there to hopefully fall on your face someday!”

“Wow!” I said in disbelief and weird humor! “So why do you hate me, and write such mean things about me?” I asked!
“You could do more with your newfound celebrity. Like I said, people already adore you, but are also waiting for you to crash and burn. How long will it take for you to crash and burn?” He asked. “Because, I’m sure you can become addicted to something or get a DUI, but what will happen to you?”  I didn’t want to hear this crap about myself, but I listened. I’m a business man first and an arrogant asshole second.
“I have some tricks up my sleeve so don’t worry your pretty little head about that.” I said to Christ almost flirting.
“Please, I know someone who wants to offer you more than that record deal or the sitcom on ABC.” Christ said. “I have the contracts in my bag if you want them.” He reached into his bag and pulled out this folder that said The Sweet Life of Paris and Koala I looked at him in total confusion.”As you can see Paris and Koala are doing more with their time.”

In Gay World! The fighting can be loud amongst enemies! But what happens when the back stabbing is going on in your own group? Easy, without tipping the boat, you shift away in different projects. The fighting usually happens when envy is in the midst! Like for instance! Paris and I were always photographed together in every magazine..  But I was excluded from our television show because he didn’t want to be second to me! So now he’s going act like things are good! But slowly push me out the group! Maybe this wasn’t his intention, but this is what it felt like.However, I am removing myself from the drama before it blows up.
I sat in front of Christ knowing that everything Paris was, I had made up in my mind! And without me, his show might fail! But instead, I did the opposite!
“I’m happy for Paris! However, I never said I wasn’t trying to expand and do other things! I’m just not doing a show with them!” I said! “I love what I have in the works!” I said planting a flirtatious eye!
“Like what? He asked! “What are you working on?” He asked.
“Some stuff with television, and music!” I said! “I’m not talking about it yet! Because I just started the projects!” I said! That’s all I had. Paris and Koala had started filming already, and all I had were a few projects that weren’t a big a deal! But to a reporter, just saying you have something in the works, doesn’t mean you have something in the works!
“Like?” He asked! “I mean we know you’re doing a sitcom with ABC, but the news isn’t a big thing yet!” He said. “What else?”
“I’m putting together a pop album!” I splurged! “But I’m not signed  to any label yet! I’m still waiting on a great deal!” I said.
“Any real offers on the table?” Christ asked!
“Yeah, a few! But all they’re worried about is marketing. I really want GEFFEN  and I would create a label under them and market myself!”
“So you have a plan?” He asked in a shocked voice.
“Of course I do!” Even if I was taking this a little slow! Chrsit slipped me the folder he took out of his bag…. They were contracts for Paris show… He then said..

“You might want to look at this last contract… It might interest you.”


Koala and Benjamin were seen in the newest NEXT issue, with the Headline
reading LOWERED EXPECTATIONS “What was Ben thinking?”
The article attacked Koala, calling him a “fake reflection of beauty!” Saying he was just a hanger on in Paris and my spotlight! They bashed Koala for his messy hair and messy appearance at functions. They took pictures of Koala in bathrooms looking high. It was really a disaster.  I tried to get in touch with Koala,but his voice mail was full. The article played back Koala’s fall at PURE, and his dirty laundry. His drug problem, and partying. His other problems we don’t speak about! They painted Benjamin as a picture of perfection, although they did mention his problem! But I understand why. Benji was an heir. His family came from Real Estate money and owned a lot of the properties in New York. I’m certain no one wanted to write anything bad about him. But just as it seemed like Koala went into hiding, he called me up.

“Hey!” I said enthused about hearing his voice, even if it was a little drugged out!

“Girl!” He started off. I never understood why gays did that, but it was a fun little thing that I was just starting to accept! “I’m so pissed right now! And don’t you know that dude didn’t even call me yet?” He said, Benjamin is probably thinking about his rep! See, although Ben had a well-known habit, AND IT WAS WELL KNOWN! He and I had a lot in common, we thought
a lot about our image. And the first thing we do when a scandal hits is go into hiding until we can go on rumor control. The bad publicity was so not my thing!
“He will call you Koa-Ko! That was my little pet name I had given him a while back! I actually named him Koala, whereas his birth name is Jamal! Koala was always like a pet to me, which means he was loyal! He had this way about him. He was sweet, and so childlike. The youngest out of all of us at 20 years old. I felt responsible for his downward spiral, knowing that
sometime soon, mine would come just as quick. Because of my dreams of being in the lime light, my friends are now addicts, and are almost battling themselves. Paris, my childhood best friend for 14 years is now turning against me. All of a sudden, I had to start accepting the fact that I could be living my life without Koala, or Paris. Was I ready???

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