I am currently in bed! It’s 12:28 am EST. Russell is sleeping and I was just thinking of some things that I needed to share.
I’ve had my share of bad relationships. God knows that I’ve made some really bad mistakes in my lifetime. Some of which, I am still paying for. Tonight, Russell and I had gotten back in the house after dinner and I was really mad.. I was furious. I didn’t tell him why, but instead of arguing with me, he let me be mad. He let me yell and throw things… Then he let me calm down and waited for me to talk.
Now, he’s sleeping… I wondered how I had gotten this lucky. My relationship/friendship with Russell is never perfect, he and I are still working on being friends. There’s a lot of love between the two of us. So when I’m being a major asshole or a major bitch, he has gotten to the point where he loves me through it!
I’ve been with some really horrible guys before; some of which have used me, beat me, cheated on me, etc. But I have learned from all of that… I remember being so into this one guy, that I almost killed myself when he broke things off with me… It took a lot of healing and counseling to get me through that… But that’s when I realized, that “love would never cause you to want to hurt yourself.” Love should never hurt in the first place…
The love I felt for this guy was not being returned and I had to let it go. I’m grateful for the breakup now.. If I hadn’t let that mess go, I wouldn’t be where I am now.. I would probably still be homeless. If I were still in that relationship, I would not have known what it felt like to have had a partner. I have my own place with the cutest cat… I have a bank account. I have bills in my name. I get to sleep in my bed next to someone who is becoming one of my closest friends!
Whatever happens between Russell and I, (doesn’t matter, because we will always be friends and love each other) I’m ready to accept it. We tell each other how much we hate each other everyday. He told me the other day how he thinks about moving out everyday, but he loves me too much… And I loved it! I love the honesty…
I must admit. It feels good not feeling like second place. For once….
Love and Zozo kisses