The Voices In my Head


I do a great job at joking about the VOICES.. But for all of those who aren’t battling with their own mental health, I will explain the VOICES and what they are. There are many ways to describe these voices. A person with Schizophrenia might hear different voices from one suffering with OCD or Simple depression. The common way to describe these voices is by simply stating that they, “DO NOT BELONG TO ME.” or “THEY DON’T SOUND LIKE MY VOICE”
I’m a writer and I suffer with bouts of writers block. Sometimes the writer’s block comes from these voices that simply might tell me that everything that I have written isn’t good enough. There are times when I feel that my ideas aren’t original enough and I’m left looking at a black page or screen… I’m usually stuck… At this moment, I’m working on a book. I had written one a long time ago and I had to start the project from scratch when my computer crashed… After my computer crashed, I tried so hard to either replicate the story by memory or make it better.. Every time I sit down and try to read or write a project, I am confronted by these voices letting me know that I am not good enough…

On most days, These VOICES are LOUDER than my ACTUAL THOUGHTS. Sometimes the voices drown out my thoughts and to hear myself or avoid them, I try to sing to myself or start talking to myself. It gets to be a little annoying.
It’s a weird feeling, being a victim trapped inside of your mind. It’s a lot like being in jail; there is no real way to escape yourself. You are practically stuck in your own head and that itself can be depressing. So when I watch the news and see that some of our favorite celebrities battled depression and drug abuse, I’m not surprised. Drugs are a great way to escape the thoughts

When I was younger, I battled a drug addiction, an eating disorder and alcohol abuse. This is how I dealt with my pain. There were dark days were the voices were just too loud to ignore and I would drink myself to sleep.. Depression almost cost me my life at the age of 23. I was working for Blue Cross Blue Shield or New Jersey. I was in a really bad relationship and living situation. I was addicted to Benadryl sick of the way the insurance company treated their clients. The details of this night I will not go into… But it will be in a book I wrote that will be available on Amazon in December. But I will say, I would have died that night. The death of Robin Williams hit me hard. My story almost ended like his, except that I didn’t hang myself.
This post was delayed today; It was supposed to be published today at 3 pm EST. But due to an overwhelming panic attack it was published late. I’m headed to a therapy session in a few, so my next post will be later tonight… Until then, Love and Zozo kisses…

Thank you for providing me with a sounding board….. Thanks for the feedback!!!
Shout out to Kisha… sorry it took so long!!!!


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Darell Grant says:

    You know that time on the bus when the voice in your head tells u to press for a stop that isn’t yours…when the bus stops you just sit and smile, and the lady next to you moves just a lil further away from you? A day in the life…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s